Fear Manipulation

“If you don’t Enable me, you will regret it”

Those that have the strongest emotional
connection have often had themselves trained unknowingly by a substance
abuser through the use of fear.  Convinced of the idea that if they
intervene it will “make things worse” often stops family members from
doing an intervention.  Hints or threats of suicide, overdoses, “leaving
forever”, living on the streets, moving in with druggie friends, saying
that he’ll never speak to you again; these are all designed to have an
effect on you, that effect being fear manipulation.

It is said that the reason that our
loved ones can push our buttons so well is because they installed most
of them in the first place. If he can effectively push your fear button
enough, you will eventually be in a position may be tempted to halt
entirely. In addition to using your fear against you, it is not uncommon
for an addict to alternate between pushing your fear buttons while also
“offering you hope” in the form of minimal to no treatment (i.e.
promises, resolutions, etc). If he does this effectively, you will
recoil from the fear and grab onto the minimal hope as a last ditch
effort.

Many times families fail in the
intervention process because they are stuck in the middle of fear and
hope.  Fear that if they continue standing their ground the alcoholic or
addict may be gone forever; and the hope that tomorrow things might
change. This is one of the associative factors as to why most alcoholics
and addicts do not find sobriety; because the people around them are
unwilling to make a move.  In all reality, if you don’t make the
necessary changes and instead wait for the alcoholic or addict to make
them…inevitably you will lose them to their addiction.

Also see: Guilt manipulation!

The Four Emotions used by a Substance Abuser to Train Someone to Enable Them

Covered in more detail on the following pages, the actual four primary emotions used by a substance abuser to train people to enable are:

Hope
Fear
Sympathy
Guilt